A Video for your enjoyment... Snippets of Our Lives
Empty Nest Musings
Cody and I have been married
for 28 years. (I think that is like 200 in dog years) And for 26 of those years
we have had babies, children, pre-teens, teenagers or “pre-adults” living with
us. Until three weeks ago. In a frenzy
of last minute decisions, and hurried packing, with very little planning, our
youngest (who turned 21 in December) moved to Austin.
While I do not have the
talent to truly articulate my feelings regarding this new living arrangement…
let me just say my emotions ranged from frustration (this move was unorganized
and spontaneous… he packed most of his stuff in garbage bags for crying out
loud!) to fear ( Dave, the same person who had decided to move on a whim…he
packed most of his stuff in garbage bags for crying out loud…he had taken care of all of moving details,
including renting an apartment without any guidance, advice or help from us.
Have I mentioned how he packed most of his stuff?) to excitement (What is it
going to be like to have a whole house to ourselves???!!!!) and then to
sadness. Yes, I said sadness. I know. I
know. That particular emotion was a shocker for me as well.
For the most part he moved himself on
Saturday, however, we planned to help him on Sunday… (secretly hoping that day
would prove to be a little more organized. Stupid.Stupid.Stupid.) In true form, that day was also completely unplanned…
we finally got on the road around 5 p.m.
It was dark, but we got everything unloaded and made a trip to the
grocery store with David and his new roommate, Miguel. Before we left, we fed
them both dinner from the food trailer across the street from their apartment…
and then, we said our goodbyes. In the
uber Austin-style coffee house and bar, ”Buzz Kill,” we hugged and shook hands
with our youngest child and walked out the door- leaving him to start his life
as a grown up…’bout time.
But, as we drove out of town-
I found myself fighting a lump in my throat… and then I was shocked I was
trying to fight back tears that seemed to have a mind of their own and kept
filling up and spilling over my eyelids. And I sat there, silently crying and
trying to figure out what exactly had triggered this reaction. SERIOUSLY??!!! The child was 21 years old…he had organized
and orchestrated this move completely. His desire was to become independent,
and wasn’t that my desire? Wasn’t that
the goal Cody and I had set for him since he took his first breath? The answer
to these questions was an emphatic, “YES!!!!”
However, as we headed north on I-35 tears were still slowly and quietly
streaming down my cheeks and I fought back the urge to just let go and have a
good, sobbing bawl…
Cody never acknowledged my
tears… whether he simply did not see them, or was actually as confused by them
as I was, I don’t really know. After all, he is the one I vented to when the
frustration of sharing a house with two very independent and yet very
dependent, (on my cleaning, cooking, keeping it together ability) drove me to
the liquor cabinet, or in all reality the box of wine. So he had every right to look at me and yell,
“What the hell is wrong with you?!!!” And I would not have had an answer.
So, as we drove in silence toward Temple, I
sat in my seat silently crying… and trying to figure out where all of this was
coming from. It was not my first time to
move this son out of my house…and just a couple of months ago this was what I
was praying for... Heck- the night before this was what I had gotten excited,
darn near giddy, about! This was a milestone I was planning to have a celebration
for…finally- an empty nest!! And yet
now, instead, I was having a harder time than I did 2 ½
years ago when he moved to Austin to go to ACC!!
As I sat and analyzed my
slightly shocking emotional reaction, wishing that it was not illegal for me to
have a box of wine to travel with…I began to come up with several theories of
why I had been thrown into such a sad state, and since Cody seemed not to
notice my emotional issues, I did not see any point in trying to engage him in
a conversation to help me work through it. So, instead, I began a silent
conversation with my God… and I began to
come up with a great number of excuses for my choked back crying session: I was
worried about David. It had happened too
fast. (He did after all, pack most of his stuff in trash bags) What if he did not have enough to eat? Poor Allie.
She is going to miss him like crazy.
What about his friends left here in Temple? Aubrey and Hudson are going to miss him so
much… they are used to seeing him at least twice a week!! Cody is going to miss
him… who will he have to talk to about everything sport related? Poor Cody…
surely he was sad… sadder than me…
And then.It Hit Me… I AM
GOING TO MISS HIM!
I am going to miss seeing
him everyday… or at least every few days.
I am going to miss his dry, quick wit. I am going to miss knowing he is
home, safe and sound. I am going to miss
Sunday afternoons with him and Allie aggravating each other. I am going to miss
his everyday friends, Chris and Kevin… I am going to miss cooking for him and
whoever shows up with him…I am going to miss him showing me new songs. I am going to miss watching “Justified” with
him. I am going to miss him telling me
all about “The Walking Dead.” I am going
to miss the “Family Feud” marathons…the laughter that filled our back yard…the
groups in our kitchen… hearing him laugh every day. I am going to miss him making fun of me,
snuggling with Lucy, talking to June Bug, sharing his thoughts…I am going to
miss him. I am going to miss being a mom
with kids in my home…BUT. And there is a big BUT… there are a many positive
sides to having an empty nest!! First and foremost it is a normal transition in
life and in raising children.
I know that time does not
stand still… and in all reality, we don’t want it to… One of my favorite quotes
is from Bob Marley, “Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad,
but it is everything in between that makes it all worth living.” Leaving David
in his own apartment was a beginning and an ending for me…both scary and
sad…but very normal.
I realize how fast time has
gone by… I understand how fast it is continuing to fly… it seems like yesterday
that Cody and I were the newlyweds starting on our own…and now we are grand
parents...It happened so fast- but there is one thing I know for certain… I
have enjoyed every second of it!!! Every day I was thankful for “the stage” we
were living through… and I really enjoyed them. I knew they were all fleeting moments in time.
1) No sleep with infants
(something I should blog about: Jacob getting chicken pox when Lynnsay was 2
weeks old and Cody was on graveyard shift… yes my first night alone with two
babies was one with chicken pox hyped up on the anti itching meds, and one who would only sleep if I was breastfeeding her)
2) Fighting toddlers. (I
wore the “turn timer” out…)
3) Elementary school (With
the exception of projects… I hated projects…)
4) Middle School Hormones-
every day is a mystery… the only constant is the knowledge that you are a
dumba** in your child’s eyes and you are quiet possibly the most annoying
person on earth! But when they need something, or some support, who do they
come to? That’s right… your annoying
dumba**!!
5) High School
Whirlwind: Romance, hanging out, college
questions, sports every day of the week…CRA…CRA… CRAZY!!
6) Post High School… new
friends… new goals…questions…security…long term relationships...responsibility…
7) Your children having
their own children… Grandchildren…they are my happy thoughts!
Enjoy the phase of life you
are in…cherish the memories of the phases past… and remember to work on
building a treasure in heaven…
