The Attack of the Heart- Part Two
Getting Home
I
am not sure how most people handle this news or this type of situation. But
looking back, I feel like I handled it in a way that resembled an insane fit. I know that I handled it with very little
control…but as I ended the first phone call from David, my mom asked me what I
wanted to do, I asked for them to pray…and they did… right there in the back
yard with me…we joined hands and hearts and began to pray. I gave my phone to
Lynnsay and told her to call our pastor, Ryan to tell him what was going on.
And he immediately notified the prayer team…
Lynnsay
and my mom made phone calls to family members.
Lynnsay spoke with her husband, H.B. and her brothers. I had told David to call
Karen and Bobby Luckett to come to the hospital. Even though they are both grown men and they
were handling the situation with incredible maturity and calmness, I wanted
someone else to be there with them, someone else who was questioning the
doctors, someone else who would tell me everything about Cody, and his
prognosis. Looking back, I realize that
it was the first time in my life that I could not put the feelings of my
children before my own…I did not have the capacity to protect them or comfort
them, I was a like a dried out sponge and all I could do was soak up…As Lynnsay
looked at me with fear and sadness in her eyes and tried to comfort me, I had
no strength to pull it together and try to alleviate her fears, comfort her
heart, or relieve her of the burden of holding me together… all I could do was
absorb comfort and strength from everyone around me.
I
don’t know how we got it together, I have no idea what the time line was with
everything… I only know that at some point my dad told my mom to make a pot of
coffee and that he was taking me home. We were in my car heading to Temple by
11:30… the two hours between the first
phone call from David and when I looked at the clock in the car, my life had
rushed by with only moments of clarity. At
some point I talked to my sister,
Stephanie, and my brother, Brandon…I spoken at least once to my sons Jacob and
David; I know I called my dearest friend, Karen, my sister-in-law, Susan, and
my cousin, Kaylenn. But, looking back, I have very little that I can recall
from any of those conversations. I had
cuddled with my mom on the couch as she told me that I was her little girl, and
poured love and support into my very starving soul…Lynnsay held my hand while
she tried to calm me with her hugs and her words..and, I survived. I survived by soaking up the love
and the prayers (and a couple of shots of whiskey I requested from my dad). As
we headed toward Temple, I was beginning to find the strength I had been
searching for, the strength I had been praying for, to climb out of the pit of
fear and despair…
We
were well on our way home when I began receiving the phone calls that
everything went well … one of Cody’s major arteries was 97% blocked and at the
time of the heart attack; I believe they call his heart attack a “widow maker”…the
blockage had been removed, and they had placed a stint in the artery…All
reports were that he was doing great and in incredible spirit! Karen said that
he did not even look like he had suffered a heart attack…Ryan called to tell me
not to hurry home (too late for that piece of advice, we were already nearly to
Lubbock)
I
did get to talk to Cody, somewhere between Post and Sweetwater… I had never
been so happy to hear his voice…he was laughing and cracking jokes and seemed genuinely
happy that we were on our way home.
After
Cody made it through his procedure with flying colors, I think the prayer
warriors began to intercede for our safe travel home. Daddy wanted me to sleep
so badly, but there was just no way I could. I was the d.j. and tried to keep
my dad awake by playing music from my phone.
Thankfully, earlier in the evening, BEFORE the heart attack, I had
successfully downloaded his new favorite song, which we listened to several
times.
We
got home, safe and sound, thanks to my dad.
Hudson slept like the sweet baby he is, all of the way home… and Lynnsay
was able to get some sleep. I received
several text messages and phone calls from David and one from Cody as they were
keeping up with our ETA. David reported
that Cody was still doing great and that he and Katherine were just chilling
with him in his ICU hospital room.
We
dropped my dad off at the house to get some sleep and I gathered a few things
that Cody had requested and we headed to the hospital.
HB
and David met us in the parking lot, and we handed Hudson off to HB and headed
up to Cody’s room. Cody was in ICU,
sitting up in his bed and engrossed in a deep conversation with Katherine. He did not look like he had survived a brush
with death. He was laughing and making
jokes. He did not look like he had been
awake all night… and he certainly did not look like a man who had just survived
a terrifying ordeal…I, on the other hand, looked like I had suffered more than
a heart attack. I smelt like I had
experienced a brush with death… I was not smiling and laughing… in fact, I was
finding it hard to find anything about the situation that was amusing…I was
scared. I was exhausted. And I had no clue what to do with all of the fear I
had shoved into the depths of my soul.
As
I saw him for the first time I wanted to run and jump on him and smother him
with hugs and kisses- and part of me was scared of how fragile his life now
felt to me. I have spent the last month
struggling to make sense of all of the emotions I have been forced to face.
I have learned that we all went through an
emotional tornado… and we all have to recover o n our own terms…
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