Motherhood- The Best Job Ever

Mother’s Day- I realize the whole day is really just a marketing scheme, honestly probably supported by the flower/greeting card folks…but seriously- we have all been touched by at least one mom!  Our experiences with the women who fall into the group of “Mothers” can be as diverse as the women themselves. So, regardless of where you are in life or of whom you are- I know that Mother’s Day has some sort of effect on you. This day may be full of happiness and joy, sorrow and pain or simply just a bittersweet day as you reflect on memories, enjoy time with those you love, or just take a break from it all. 

I, personally, have been blessed to be surrounded by the best mother’s I know… my grandmothers, my aunts, my sister, my sister-in-laws, my nieces, my cousins, my friends…they have all touched my life as I have watched them care for their families and for me.

My own mother is an amazing woman.  As I write this, she is preparing to teach a Sunday School class at her church.  This is a job that she does not take lightly and I know that.  I have woken up in prayer for her today, as I know that she is probably nervous and begging the Holy Spirit to speak through her.  My mom has the heart of a servant and the strength of a soldier.  She is wise and compassionate.  She has always modeled a Godly wife, mother and grandmother for me, my brother, my sister and our spouses… our kids and now my grandchildren. I can laugh with her until we cry.  I can talk to her about any mistake I have made, and she will love me through it. I can vent out my own problems to her and she will give me good, solid advice. When I think about being a mother, I think about wanting to be like her. And now, as I watch my own children parent their babies, I want to be the type of grandmother that she has always been…I love you Mom!  You are a beautiful woman and an incredible gift to our family.

My mother-in-law is also an amazing woman.  She raised the most incredible boy to become the man that I have loved for 28 years. She seeks God and is a woman who models praying without ceasing.  As my own boys have become men, I have grown to love and respect her even more.  I have always known that she was a wonderful mother and mother-in-law- but now that I am dealing with significant others in my own son’s lives- I can see just how much she has always loved me unconditionally.  She listens to me when I cry and complain.  She sympathizes with me and shares in my pain.  She laughs with me over the smallest things. The love we have for her son has never been a threat to either of us…that love has always been a bond that has molded my heart to hers. And she too, has shown me by her actions how to be an incredible grandmother.  I love you Jean!  You are so special to all of us, and the best mother-in-law ever!

I also have the privilege of watching the mothers of my grandbabies…

Katherine, my daughter-in-love, and the mother of the most incredible little girl, Aubrey Blayce Crittenden, she came into my life and into my heart and has never ceased to amaze me.  She loves Aubrey without question and without ceasing.  She always puts Aubrey first.  Katherine has overcome many trials on her journey as a Mother- and she has overcome them with grace that can only come from the Lord. She works hard and has to be the most positive person I have ever been blessed to know. She is beautiful, inside and out.  I love you Katherine.  I am thankful God blessed our lives with you and with the wonderful life of our Noodle.

Lynnsay, my daughter and the mother of the most adorable baby boy, Hudson Brent Macey, she, like her brothers, are my heart and my joy.  Watching her carry the load of bearing Hudson has been a treat.  She has been the most incredible and beautiful pregnant woman I have ever seen.  Watching her grow into the role of “Mother” has been an indescribable blessing.  She fought to give birth to that 8 lb. 7oz. boy and over the last week she has learned to trust her instincts and fallen into the role of motherhood with style, grace and wisdom.  She and HB were at church with him when he was less than 72 hours old. I am so proud of her and of HB.  Lynnsay, I love you!  Happy FIRST Mother’s Day- you really are, as Katie said, a rock star! Thanks for working so hard to give us our Pistol!

Many years ago, I wrote the following in a scrap book:

A Wife and Mother

A wife and a mother- that is all I have ever really wanted to be…

I became a wife on November 9^th, 1984, when Cody Crittenden stood with me before God and our family so that we could commit our lives to each other. 

I was still two months away from my 20^th birthday, and Cody was eleven days shy of being 23.  We have grown up together.  Cody became a wonderful husband and I began to learn what being a wife really means.

I know God sent Cody to me.  I have had the joy of watching my husband give his life to Christ, and grow in a daily walk with the Lord.

I became a Mother for the first time on July 8, 1987 when Dr. Macey handed me the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen… Jacob Matt Crittenden.  I loved him more than I ever thought possible.  Over the next few months I watched my wonderful husband become a great Daddy, and I began to learn what being a wife and mother really means!

I became a mother again on Jan. 31, 1989, when Dr. Baylor handed me the tiniest, most beautiful baby girl I had ever seen… Lynnsay Raegan Crittenden.  Cody and I went home with an 18 month old, and a newborn and two fish- I began to learn what being a wife and a mother really means.

On December 16, 1991, I suffered a miscarriage.  The loss was heavy in my heart and left me with a longing to hold a child I never will be able to this side of heaven.  The pain taught me a new lesson about what being a Mother really means.

On December 18, 1992, I became a Mother for the third time when Dr. Hagen handed me the smallest, most beautiful baby boy…David Glenn Crittenden.  Cody and I celebrated the birth of our Savior by praising Him for the safe arrival of our third child.

Three children and a wonderful husband! I am blessed by God! The four of them fill my life with joy, pride and tears.  I receive so much from each of them. I hurt when they hurt, laugh when they laugh and pray that God will protect them.  They are teaching me everyday what being a wife and mother really means!

            A wife and mother- that’s all I ever wanted to be!

                                                Marleea Crittenden 1994

Well, now, 18 years later, I am still learning what being a wife and a mother really means… and I have had the best moms in the world to show me the way…and now, I realize that being a wife, mother and grandmother…that is all I ever wanted to be!

Somewhere...

Last week my post was about firsts, lasts and middles…since then, we have been blessed by our first grandson’s safe arrival into the world.  He is my first grandson…but not my first grandbaby- that position belongs to Miss Aubrey Blayce… and I hope Mr. Hudson Brent Macey is not my last grandbaby.

Many years ago, I wrote a children’s book about “first, last and somewhere in the middle…” While the story is based upon my own three children… the idea was formed when I heard a story about another middle child in our family who, the day his older brother went to school for the first time and he found his mom teary eyed, asked his mom if she wished that she only had his older brother and his baby sister for kids… He was only 3 years old and was struggling with his position in the family…and it made me wonder how kids really do deal with the whole birth order… I am the oldest in our family, and I always felt like I was in charge of my younger brother and sister…obviously I was not…however, now as an adult, I still feel like it is my job to “take care” of them. (and basically everyone else in my life as well)

At the time when I heard this story, I was only the mother of two… but a couple of years later, I had our third child and I began to watch how my children each reacted to their positions in the family. I know there are a bazillion books written about birth order and the effects of it…and I admit, I have never read a single one of them…(although I have heard all about most of the theories over the years) I can say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that after watching my children grow up, and looking at the differences in me and my siblings and my parents and their siblings as well as just looking around at the families God has placed in my life- I can’t see that any of them follow a certain “hard rule trend” that is dependent on their birthing order. I do believe that God creates each of us with complete uniqueness… and I believe that not only the birthing order, but also the family and the surrounding situations help to mold that uniqueness into the person God has created us to be…

That being said, I also believe that children do struggle to figure out their position in the pecking order of the family… I have watched my own three children as they competed for something that was already theirs from birth…mine and their daddy’s unconditional love and acceptance- both of which has absolutely nothing to do with what they have  or have not done or accomplished; both of which has nothing to do with whether they are the first, the last or somewhere in the middle; both of which we had no control over- we never had a choice nor a decision to make that granted them our love and acceptance… it was an uncontrollable force that began as soon as they were conceived… a force that is unexplainable, and yet unchangeable…

I want to share my children’s story with you…and I hope you enjoy it.  I have to say that I am not the middle child, and I am not the youngest in my family…I am the oldest- and as the oldest, I know that we have a tendency to feel lost sometimes as well…I hope that as you read this story the message I am trying to convey- unconditional love and acceptance, no matter what- is conveyed…

Let me know what you think!

Somewhere in the Middle

By Marleea Crittenden, 1996

Mary Catherine was stuck between two boys, not the oldest and not the youngest, just somewhere in the middle.  And sometimes she felt a little bit lost.

          The position of oldest belonged to her brother, Jonathan.  He was eight years old and in second grade.  Mary Catherine was six years old and in first grade.

          Mary Catherine Cook was not the youngest in her family either.  That position belonged to her little brother, Baby Peter Thomas.  Everyone still called him Baby Peter, even though he was 2 years old and learning to speak in complete sentences. 

                   Mary Catherine loved doing things with her Mommy.  But there were many times when Mary Catherine would come up with something fun for her and Mommy to do together, and Mommy would say, “I am sorry Miss Mary, you will have to wait until I finish helping Jonathan with his homework.”

          Or sometimes she would say, “Not right now, Mary Catherine, I promised Jonathan that I would play baseball with him.”

          Then there were other times when Mommy would also say, “I will do that with you as soon as I finish reading Baby Peter a story.” Or, “Mary Catherine, I am trying to bathe Peter Thomas, so I can not read with you right now.  But I will in a little while.”

          This would make Mary Catherine sad.  And sometimes it made Mary Catherine mad at her brothers.

          One afternoon she came running into the house looking for Mommy.  Mary Catherine was hoping to bake cookies, but when she found Mommy, she was reading Peter Thomas a book.  Mary Catherine interrupted the story, “Can we make cookies Mommy?”

          “Hey, we weading!” Peter Thomas said.

          “Mary Catherine, we are reading a story right now. I just don’t have enough time to help you bake cookies today.  But, if you would like, you can have a snack. And you can help me cook dinner later.”

          “I just want to bake cookies,” Mary Catherine replied with a disappointed sigh.

          “I am sorry Miss Mary.  But we just can’t today.  I’m going to finish this story, and then Jonathan is waiting on me to help him with his homework.”

          Peter Thomas was sitting in Mommy’s lap sucking his thumb, patiently waiting for her to continue with the story.  Suddenly, Mary Catherine yanked Peter’s thumb out of his mouth.  “You need to stop sucking your thumb,” she said, “your teeth are going to be crooked.”

          Beginning to whine, Baby Peter yelled, “No! Teef not cricket!” And with that, he plugged his thumb back into his mouth.

          “Not ‘cricket’, it’s ‘crook-ed’!”  Mary Catherine pronounced the word slowly and clearly.  “Crickets are little black bugs,” she added. 

          This somehow got his attention, and he began to whale “Mommy! Mawy Caf say teef are bwack bugs…not yike bugs!”

          “I did not! You should learn to talk right too…”

           “Mary Catherine!” her mommy exclaimed.  “What in the world is wrong with you?  I think you better go to your room and think for a while.  I will be in there to talk with you when I am finished with your brothers.”

          Mary Catherine sat on her bed feeling very sorry for herself.  She began to cry, and talk to her favorite doll, Elizabeth.  “I don’t know why I was so mean to Baby Peter.  I’m just sad.”

          Mommy came into her room.  “Mary Catherine, have you thought about what is wrong?”

          “Yes Mommy,” Mary Catherine sighed, “I just want to do something special with you.  We don’t get to do special things together very much.”

          “Oh, so that is it,” Mommy said.  “Well, I think you should go and apologize to Peter Thomas.  I do not think you were really mad him.”

          “Yes ma’am. I was a little mean,” Mary Catherine said. 

          “He is in his room playing with the blocks.  After you finish with him, come to the kitchen to talk with me,” Mommy said.

          Mary Catherine apologized to Baby Peter, gave him a kiss, and made him giggle by tickling him.  She then went to the kitchen where she saw that Mommy had set the table for a tea party

          “Would you like to join me for tea?” Mommy asked.

          When Mary Catherine sat down, she saw that they were really having Oreo’s and milk, but that was great with her.  She loved Oreo’s.

          Mommy served Mary Catherine cookies and milk, and they both began to eat.  Mary Catherine ate each cookie the same way.  She carefully pulled apart the cookies to expose the creamy, sugary filling.  Only after she had completely eaten the cream filling, did Mary Catherine pop the crunchy, chocolate cookies into her mouth.

          “Where is Jonathan?” Mary Catherine asked.

          “He is practicing his spelling words,” Mommy answered.

          “Do you love Jonathan because he is your first baby?”  Mary Catherine asked.

          “Well, I love Jonathan, and I am glad he is my first baby,” Mommy said.  “Jonathan teaches me how to be a better mother, and that makes things easier with you and Baby Peter!”  Mommy said with a smile

          “You love Peter Thomas a lot too, don’t you?  Are you glad that he is your last baby?”  As Mary Catherine talked, she continued her routine with the cookies, first eating the cream filling, and then the cookie.

          “I do love Baby Peter a lot.  And I am glad he is the last baby.  He makes our family laugh a lot doesn’t he?”  Mommy was smiling at Mary Catherine.

          No one said anything for a little while.  They both just ate cookies and drank milk.  Then Mommy said, “But you want to know something else my little Miss Mary Catherine?”

          “What?” 

          “I love you, too, just as much as I love the boys.”  As Mommy was talking, she too was pulling apart her Oreo’s to expose the sweet, creamy middle.

          “But I am not the oldest, and I am not the youngest,” Mary Catherine said.

          “No, you are not.  You are the middle baby.  You are the cream filling, just like this.”  Mommy held up her cookie to show Mary Catherine the yummy, white center.  “You are the soft, sugary part that holds the two chocolate cookies together.  You make the boys more than just a couple of crunchy cookies.  With you, we have Oreo’s!”  Mommy smiled and popped a whole cookie into her mouth.

          Mommy picked up the last cookie, and took a bite out of it.  “See, I love the whole Oreo cookie.  But it takes all three parts to make it an Oreo. Just like it takes Jonathan, you and Baby  Peter to make our family whole. I do not know where my love for one of you ends, and for the other begins, I just know that having all three of you is God’s sweetest blessing.”

          Mary Catherine was suddenly very happy, and she gave her mommy a big hug.  “I love you Mommy.”

          Mary Catherine Cook was not the oldest in her family, and she was not the youngest. 

Faith.Hope.Love

April 17,2012

Love does not keep a list of wrongs…it is never jealous…it is kind..Love is patient..it is not rude…it does not brag…love does  not get upset with others…it does not count up wrongs…it does not rejoice in evil…Love patiently accepts all things.  Love always trusts…love always hopes… and always remains strong…(From 1 Corinthians 13)

Wow! I think I should read these words everyday…because my life certainly does not always reflect that type of love.  I have a friend who has gotten so tired of seeing all of the “Faith-Hope-Love” signs everywhere that she has come up with her own line of “Well Crap” signs… Of course, she has only created the sayings with friends, and never really tried to market the idea…but it is funny and fitting.

I look around and see a world that has taken the concepts written centuries ago in the scriptures by Paul and a fortune has been made on these three words … who, of you, has not seen at least a dozen different “Faith-Hope-Love” signs? And yet each of these three words have become so watered down in our society, that I think we have lost the meaning of each of them individually; and of the power they have together. And I speak from my own experience.

Depending on the mood I am in- I may see the signs and think, “I would love to buy that and put it…” and am immediately re-decorating some room in my house, or my porch, or my fence…Other days I may see one and think of my friend’s idea…and instead of redecorating and re-arranging my home in my mind, I begin making a list of “Well Crap” sayings that would be better suited for display in my house or office. (Frankly speaking, I think that would be what Paul calls “keeping a list of wrongs.” OUCH!)

Paul ends the 13^th chapter of Corinthians with, “So these three things continue forever: faith, hope and love.  And the greatest of these is love.”

Hmmm…well I think I started this entry with Paul’s description of love, and I don’t see where either one of my responses to seeing the words, “Faith-Hope-Love” are a true reflection of what the words should mean in my life…How lucky are we to live in a society where we are surrounded by a reminder of the three things that scripture tells us will remain?! My prayer is that my initial response when I see those words from now on will be to reflect on 1 Corinthians 13.

Feeding the funk

In my old neighborhood there is a mockingbird.  I have always loved to hear that mockingbird singing in the mornings.  I knew that when we moved from that house, I would deeply miss hearing his song.

Cody and I, along with help from my father and mother-in-law, have worked to provide quiet the attraction for a mockingbird in our new yard. And recently, as I left for work, I saw one perched in the tree in my front of my house.  I rolled my window down so I could hear him sing, and I was not disappointed.  His song was a little different than the one the mockingbird on Hemlock sings.  It was a little softer, and a little more soothing.  I text messaged my father-in-law to tell him about my mockingbird. This is how the conversation went:

  Me: “I have a mockingbird in my front yard!! He doesn’t sing the same song as the one at our old house. But he sure sings a pretty tune!”

  Wayne: “Your attitude has changed so you’re not singing the same song either. Ha!”

  Me: “You are probably right about my attitude.  Although it has kinda sucked the last 4 days.”

  Wayne: “You sound a little happier lately.”

Which is true…since we have moved, my attitude has changed. And I am happier.  However, the week the mockingbird appeared I had fallen into a funk…

I was pretty sure on Monday that my hormones were organizing an attack on my already unstable emotional and mental state. I was easily irritated, did not feel like smiling and everything was getting on my nerves or making me want to run away and cry.

Tuesday- I woke up with a raging migraine headache and could not get out of bed.  When I was able to get it under control, Cody told me to stay home for the rest of the day. (Nice, you say? More like self preservation, I say)

By Wednesday everyone in my house, including the animals, were scurrying out of my way like cockroaches. I did not care. One morning, I actually got mad and went to my room and shut the door and laid on the bed until I heard the front door close and I knew everyone had left for the shop. I knew I was being ridiculous, but I did not care.  In fact, I was actually enjoying wallowing in my funk.  I refused to try to look at the good things…I was only focused on the negative.

As the week turned into the weekend, my attitude pretty much stayed course.  Although I really just wanted to be alone, we spent Friday night and Saturday night with friends and family.  And then came Sunday.

I love Sundays! There is church, which is always such a blessing. And then we have Blue Bloods Family Lunch (a tradition started by me and Karen Luckett- I will explain at a later date) and just general relaxing on Sundays. On this particular Sunday, we had been invited to our friends who live across the street from our old house on Hemlock to celebrate their son’s birthday.

 We met the Harwell’s about 10 years ago, when they moved into the house across the street from us on Hemlock…They have become a part of our family.  It is always a party at Ledia and Clinton’s.  Ledia is from Honduras and has the most amazing accent! An accent many have tried to imitate, however, so far, none have succeeded.  Being with her just makes me happy.  Their house was filled with people and music.  They listen to Spanish music which makes everything seem even more festive.  And the wine…they always have the best wine!  When I drink wine with Clinton and Ledia, I  think I must feel like the guests at the wedding where Jesus performed his first miracle. The people who were served the wine Jesus had just created; the wine that was described by the master of the banquet as “the best.”

Although I was having a good day…I was aware that my funk was still in control of my emotions and it was strange parking across the street from the driveway I have parked in for the last 11 years. The driveway and the house are still empty, and I was fighting the urge to just walk over…eventually, in a moment when I was left alone, I lost the battle.  I walked out the front door completely unnoticed and across the street. 

As soon as I looked in the front window and walked around the house, I knew I was not fighting the funk…I was feeding it…in all honesty, I had been nurturing it all week.  I just stood and looked at the empty house that was my home for so many years.  I allowed myself to remember what it was like when we first moved in; how excited we were…I sat on the porch, and I remembered.  Even though, while I was sitting there, the house definitely did not look or feel like my home, my home is a small red brick house in the Westwood Addition, the view across the street of my neighbor’s, no, not just my neighbor’s, my dear friends’ house- that view felt like home. And the mockingbird was singing. He was singing the song I am so familiar with.  That mockingbird’s song felt like home.

I gathered my emotions together and walked back across the street- leaving the old house behind me.  I did not even look back towards it.  I walked in the front door, sure that no one had missed me. But I was wrong.

Cody asked me where I had been; everyone had been looking for me.  I tried to casually say that I walked across the street…but when the look on Cody’s face turned from slightly irritated to sweet concern, I felt my eyes fill up with tears.  As he hugged me, he said, “Why? Why would you do that?” And I knew I had been caught feeding my funk.

When we left the party, I did not even glance at the house. I was glad to get home. I had cried on Ledia’s shoulder for a bit… I have to admit I felt a little guilty for bringing the funk to the party…but I guess every party has to have a pooper; I just never have been one.

I believe that pooping the party was the beginning of the end for my funk…I was still not back to my normal craziness…but I was fighting it more and more. 

I bought some flowers to plant. Digging in dirt always makes me happy.  So I spent one afternoon planting.  I was on my patio, listening to praise music, singing and planting! Now here’s the deal- I am a terrible singer. The.Worst.Ever. But, my dogs don’t mind it, and none of my neighbors were in their yards- so I felt free to sing as much and as loud as I wanted. In the middle of “Here I am to Worship” my mockingbird landed on a branch and began to sing too.  The mockingbird was singing in tune and along with “Here I am to Worship.” It was one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard.  I knew that it was a special concert, orchestrated by my God, just for me!! What an honor it is to serve such a powerful and personal God! He never feeds my funk; and I don’t think He honors me when I am wallowing in the pit of one…But He is always here. He is always ready and willing to show me the way out of the funk.  He is God and all of creation sings His praises!

Yes, “my new” mockingbird does sing a different song than the old one.  But my heart is singing a new song as well.

Sometimes a funk is unavoidable… but they are not forever.

⁴ Sing praises to the Lord, you who belong to him;
praise his holy name.
⁵ His anger lasts only a moment,
but his kindness lasts for a lifetime.
Crying may last for a night,
but joy comes in the morning.

¹¹ You changed my sorrow into dancing.
You took away my clothes of sadness,
and clothed me in happiness.
¹² I will sing to you and not be silent.
Lord, my God, I will praise you forever.

Psalm 30: 4-5; 11-12