CRUMMY DAY!! GOOD LESSON!!

April 16, 2013

A really crummy day… that is what I feel like the sum total of my day is today… Cody is out of town, spending some much needed time with his family- so that leaves me as the “substitute teacher” at work- taking on his “hands on” responsibilities in addition to my own. His trip was fairly last minute, and while I knew he was trying to get away, I did not know until I got to the office yesterday that he was leaving after lunch. We are fairly busy right now, and in the middle of  trying to complete several projects, so that caused a tad bit of stress on everyone as we were all scrambling to get our instructions as he walked out the door.

Monday afternoon- fairly smooth sailing. Tuesday morning, not so much… after a very fun and entertaining ride to Aubrey’s school (one of the highlights of my day- especially when she told us her “hair wouldn’t do anything.”) everything headed south. We soon found out that Temple High was on lockdown (they are right next to our building) and later found out that a student had brought a gun to school and shot himself… a tragedy that could have been much worse had the young man decided to use the gun on other students before turning it on himself.

Following that, things just continued to go wrong…ending with a bunked up job;  all of the VB employees (two of which happen to be my sons and one me) frustrated and trying to problem solve without the brains of the operation, Cody, here… only to talk to him and find out all of our “problem solving” had just been a waste of time…Experience is key…

As I have said before, working with your spouse, your sons and your “extended” family has its ups and downs… it is often stressful.  Many days I feel like I am trying to please 3 Crittenden men (because I am) and most days I feel like I am trying (but not succeeding) at taking care of everything… Today was one of those days…

At the end of the day, I came home- worked out with Lynnsay and our trainer… mowed my back yard (riding lawnmower-Cody is out of town, my first time to use it!) and dug in the dirt to plant flowers. As I sat on my back porch, watching the last bit of daylight fade away, enjoying the fruits of my labor as well as a glass of  the fruit of the vine…the sting of the work day began to fade with the daylight. The sting was replaced with burning muscles and aching  joints.  Exhaustion crept up on me and I welcomed the fact that sleep would soon be my refuge and hoped that tomorrow will be a much better day…actually I know it will be- it is after all, Hump day with Hudson!! And my husband is coming home!!!

April 23, 2013

A week later…after reflecting on my crummy day, I realize that there was more to my emotional distress than just a bad day at the office.

My day actually began shadowed by the fact that my husband was away and dealing with heart wrenching situations, while I was here, helpless and useless, unable to give him any support. So instead I put all of my energy and effort into our business, concentrating on helping and supporting Cody by taking that burden off of his shoulders. Something I thought I could control. Epic fail. So, instead of being the “Heroic Wife”, I slowly began to fall into a pit of self disappointment.  Without realizing it, I had put the burden of failure on my shoulders.  Failure as a wife.  Failure as a business partner. Failure as Cody’s helper/completer. And what is worse is that I began responding to Cody as if that was how he was seeing me as well.

At some point I had lost sight of my position in life.  I had bumped myself right up from Cody’s helper/completer- to God’s helper/completer.  I had very successfully taken the responsibility of “taking care” of my husband and placed it on my shoulders.  I had wrestled in prayer for Cody, but my heart was not completely trusting in the fact that God was holding him in the palm of His hands, which was my prayer. Instead, I had somehow switched my prayer from that, to pleading for God to show me how I can protect and take care of my husband.  I was putting myself in between God and Cody, and very cleverly making “me” the center of my prayer. Guess what?  God very successfully moved right around me and left me in my pool of self pity. And while He held Cody in the palm of His hands and comforted him, He patiently waited for me to look up and cry out to Him from my pit of failed attempts to be His helper.  And he is faithful and he is just.  He gently pulled me out, cared for my bruised self-esteem and put me back in my place.  He gently showed me, as He has hundreds of times,   that He is God, and I am not; He sent us the Comforter, and it is the Holy Spirit, not me.  I need to just be Cody’s wife and business partner.  I need to be Cody’s helper/completer. I wonder how many times I am going to have to learn this lesson?  Probably at least one more time…

Easter Changes

Years ago Cody and I decided (I say “Cody and I”, but I am not sure it was actually a joint decision… I think Cody may have agreed out of self preservation) to boycott Easter church services, but instead celebrate Easter in a non-traditional way.  Our, (my) reasoning was simple…I found myself too caught up in the holiday and had lost focus of the holy day… I had gotten so caught up in Easter outfits, Easter baskets, Easter meal, Easter eggs….the picture perfect family at the Easter service; I lost sight of the cross and of the meaning of the celebration.

The great awakening for me was the Easter when Jacob was about 4 years old and Lynnsay was 3. I had undertaken the job of making Lynnsay’s Easter dress. (And I HATE to sew…) It was adorable. Laura Ashley McCall’s Pattern #7113.  I even had used Laura Ashley fabric, yellow print for the dress and a coordinating yellow floral for the pinafore apron… She was going to look like a doll.  And what is more, is my mom had made Jacob a pair of adorable yellow seersucker pants with suspenders.  They were going to be quiet the Easter pair!  My two beautiful babies…until the Vaseline incident…

No need to go into detail about the incident…just saying that Easter I was certain that my beautiful daughter (who now has incredible hair) was never going to have anything but a greasy mess on her head.  My Easter Sunday was spent full of emotions- but none of them was fixated on the actual meaning of Easter.  I never once thought about the sacrifice of the cross.  I never once thought about the price that Jesus paid for my sins.  I never once thought about the miracle of the empty tomb. I never once focused on the new life I have in Christ.  I was consumed with my failure as a mother…I did not have the picture perfect family...

The next year we had the opportunity to go to Lake Buchanan and “camp” with my grandparents, and we took it.  My mom’s parents, my Mudgee and BigDaddy were retired and they would bring their travel trailer to Lake Buchanan for several weeks during the spring.  Cody and I started the tradition of joining them at Lake Buchanan for Easter weekend.  Over the years “Easter at the Lake” evolved and changed… we had all of our family some years, and we had minimal family some years.  But it became a Crittenden Clan tradition…We had our own worship service. My parents and grandparents gave their testimonies.  My BigDaddy made me a cross that we could “bloom” on Easter morning with wildflowers signifying the new life we have in Christ… Our Easters were focused on the holy day that we were celebrating, even though my kids were filthy, dressed in raggy clothes and usually barefoot.

Later, after my grandparents passed away, and the rest of our family began celebrating Easter at “home”…we continued to celebrate our Easters at Lake Buchanan with our “Temple Cousins” the Lucketts at their lake house… The time we spent at the Luckett  Lake House cemented the bonds between our families… our children have made lifelong memories together at that house… and so have Cody, Bobby, Karen and I… that house, weekends there, Easter in particular, molded us into a family.

However, as time has passed, our children have grown up, most of them have married and all but one of them now have their own children.  For the past couple of Easters it has been obvious that the Crittenden clan has over-crowded the Luckett Lakehouse and I am pretty sure, that we have overtaken the Luckett Easter… So after a couple of years of bringing tents, pop up campers and trying to “fit” in it became clear that the Crittenden Clan  once again needed to make a change to our Easter tradition.

This year, for the first time in as long as I can remember- the we stayed “home” for Easter while the other half of our Temple family, the Luckett’s, were able to enjoy Easter in a not so packed and crowded Lakehouse.

We all missed being at the lake… we each missed being with the Luckett’s immensely… we are a family that does not let go of “traditions” easily so the weekend was under a shadow of “I wish we were at the lake” thoughts.

 But God is really amazing…and our Easter weekend was pretty awesome.  My parents were here, and they got to celebrate Easter with their great- grands in the same way that my Mudgee and BigDaddy did with our family at Lake Buchanan years ago.  I was able to serve at our church during the Eggstravaganza which both of my grandbabies enjoyed, and, also, just happened to be Hudson’s first Easter Egg Hunt. We enjoyed a shrimp boil and games of washers with our family and friends in our back yard (first shrimp boil in our new house)… and we went to the Easter service at our church on Sunday with our family. Following our wonderful worship and celebration service at church, we had a great family lunch at my cousin, Kaylenn’s house with the Crittenden Clan, my parents, my Aunt Sandy and Uncle Mike and a new member at Foundation, Cederick… and (I think, thanks to Blythe’s prayers) there was no rain to keep another Easter egg hunt from happening! It was a great day and a great way to celebrate the miracle of the cross… it was full of worship, love and family. The miracle of the cross and the resurrection of our Savior was the center of my heart. My focus on Jesus and the Holy day was not overshadowed by “picture perfect” expectations.  Maybe I have grown up a little and matured some in my faith...then again, maybe my children have just all grown up.... (and now that they have families of their own, are insisting we go back to the lake next year...so Pelican Pointe here we come!)

Personal Testimony

Several years ago I read a book that impacted my life. The Same Different as Me is a true story by Ron Hall and Denver Moore. Hall is a wealthy art dealer in Fort Worth and Moore is a homeless man who relocated from Louisiana to Fort Worth- their lives became intertwined by the will of God as He moved in the heart of Deborah Hall, Ron's wife, and the two of them began serving in "soup kitchen" program in Fort Worth. The Halls developed a personal friendship with Denver Moore that changed all of their lives.

I know that God guided me to Foundation and almost 2 years later placed me in the middle of "Feed My Sheep," a type of ministry that reading The Same Different as Me had sparked a passion in my heart for. Now that I have actually been blessed to be a part of Feed My Sheep, that passion has only grown.

Working with Feed My Sheep has changed the way I think, and the way I live my life. Rainy days now don't just move my heart to praise God for the moisture; I am also moved to pray for a dry spot for shelter. A thunderstorm in the middle of the night wakes me up and prompts me to pray for safety. The long hot days of summer bring prayers for plenty of water. Bitter cold nights cause my heart to plead for people to find their way to the warming shelters. Missing faces give me cause to worry, while someone returning brings relief to my soul!

As my husband, Cody, and I have served in this ministry over the last 11 months, these people have become more than just "the homeless and the hungry" in my eyes. They have become the faces of people I love, and pray for; faces of people who are citizens in my community. They are each created by God in His image.

My passion for this ministry has spread throughout my entire family and often the whole "Crittenden Clan" shows up to volunteer at the FMS center. I love watching the interaction between our grandchildren and all of the people coming through the line. Our granddaughter, Aubrey, is two and has already developed a special way of loving the people at the center. Recently, I was sitting outside with both of the grandbabies. I was wrestling my 7 month old grandson, Hudson, and watching Aubrey as she played chase and sang songs with the other volunteers and some of the people just standing around the building. As one man was leaving, he pinched Hudson's cheek, but walked past Aubrey without saying a word. Being a normal two year old, she felt slighted and the look on her face made my heart ache, but I watched as she took off after the man and caught his attention by grabbing his pant leg and yelling "Hey!" As he stopped and looked at her, she opened her arms and said, "Hug?" and gave the man a huge bear hug. Watching that interaction brought tears to my eyes... the attention that man gave to Aubrey was so important to her. She did not notice that the clothes he was wearing were filthy and threadbare. She did not care that the hands he hugged her with were calloused and stained with dirt and grime. She did not react to the fact that he did not smell all that great. She reacted to him as a normal 2 year old that has just been overlooked, while her younger cousin received some attention. His acknowledgement of her and her presence made her feel important.

I have heard people say thing like, "We tried to help one of the homeless men, but he didn't want any help. He was happy to be homeless." I think I see this situation a little differently.

I don't think help means change. And I don't think "helping" is equal to "improving". I think helping is meeting them where they are, as they are. Many of them have served in our armed forces. Most of them have faced devastating losses in their lives; and several of them have learned to survive despite being mentally ill; I am sure that some are battling demons that I can't begin to imagine. But they are each human beings, and while they do need help, they don't necessarily want to be "cleaned up" to receive it. They live a hard life, whether they have arrived here by consequences of their own decisions, or whether they are here because of circumstances beyond their control- I believe that they each deserve love and respect. I think "helping" is seeing them through the eyes of my 2 year old granddaughter- without judgment or pre-conceived opinions.

They mean something to me. They mean something to my family. And they mean something to the body of Christ at Foundation United Methodist Church.

Saturday, Feb. 16 at 5 p.m., our Men's Ministry will be hosting a Chili Cook Off. Donations will be accepted with all of the proceeds going to help offset the monthly food cost for "Feed My Sheep." At this time Foundation provides each person a "hot" lunch and a "take home" bag meal. We try to keep the hot lunch cost under $3 per person, and the take home bag usually is about $1 per person. On average there are close to 100 people who come to the Center everyday for a meal.

The following video consists of photographs taken over the last couple of months at the center in Temple. These are some of the faces of the people that Foundation is providing meals for each month. These are the faces of some of the people in our community that I have grown to love. These are the faces of the people that come to the Salvation Army Center in Temple for "Feed My Sheep."

Blessings,

Marleea Crittenden

Copy of Foundation Feed My Sheep

Birthday Blog...

I celebrated my 48^th birthday a couple of weeks ago.  It was a relatively painless number to turn…while the big Five O is looming around the corner…I still have two more years in my 40’s…which what was it everyone told me when I turned 40?  I think it was that “40 is the new 30.” Obviously a saying made popular by someone in their 40’s who still felt like they were 30. I know for a fact that I don’t feel like I did when I was in my 30’s…so I am pretty sure that the 40’s are still just the regular old time 40’s and I am almost certain the 50’s will follow the same path.

But none the less- my 47^th year was another year of learning many valuable lessons, making many (hopefully) forgivable mistakes and often experiencing a combination of the two- learning valuable lessons from my forgivable mistakes!!

During my 47^th year, I think I have finally “come into my own”, whatever that means… I have actually learned to really like myself a little more, and stop focusing on my faults and my shortcomings so much. While I still have what I have come to call “bad hair days”, the days when no matter what I can’t seem to find much about me that I like or anything anyone else would like- most days I have come to terms with ME! I have more confidence.  And I am much happier! 

I have quit worrying about what everyone might think or believe about me, or my family.  I have come to grip with the fact that there are always going to be haters around me, and there will always be those who want to sit in judgment over me. I have taken a step back from trying to please EVERYONE…as my son David would say, I am a recovering people pleaser.

I know my heart, and believe me, it is pretty wretched…but I also know my God… and He is pretty awesome…and for some unexplainable reason He chose to purchase my wretched self with His Son! So I am choosing to walk in the knowledge that the only one who can sit in judgment over me, has already set me free! I have learned that it is through all of those ugly weak spots, cracks and holes that I have…those are where my Maker’s light shines through!!! He fills my gaps with His saving grace and strength.

After several hard years (I think about 43 to 46) during my 47^th year I have been overly blessed with simple happiness. As a recovering people pleaser, my rat race life has calmed down. I enjoy my family and my friends.  I am a happier wife and mother, grandmother and friend. I laugh more, and I laugh loud.

Right after my 47^th birthday, we made a change in our business.  We were forced to let a long time employee go, and I took on added responsibility and a more face to face work with our customers!  I have really enjoyed my new position.  While working with your husband is always a challenge, I feel like Cody and I are doing a remarkable job at working closely

This year I read through the entire Bible in 8 months!! (Or at least I will have read through it in 8 months- I have 6 more days left in this reading program)And I am currently in a Wednesday night Bible Study where we are reading through it in 90 days! So in 3 months I will have read through the entire Bible twice in a year. It has been life changing for me.

Yep- the 47^th year of my life has been wonderful.  I have an amazing husband who I love more every day.  I have 3 incredible children who have brought two wonderful bonus children into my life and given me the most amazing granddaughter and grandson ever! They are all my happy thoughts and hold my very heart.  My friends, my family and my church body keep me grounded in my faith… I am looking forward to what my 48^th year brings… life lessons and all.  I LOVE YOU ALL!!

 

Life Lessons from Visual Basics

A few things I have learned from being in business and working with my husband:

1.    Men who have affairs with their secretaries obviously have a relationship built off of lies… there are days that I am sure Cody doesn’t want to come into my office, much less have an affair with me…in fact, I think he often avoids me. And that generally works for me.

2.    While honesty is always the best policy…sometimes keeping your mouth shut is the best solution.

3.   I often accuse Cody of never speaking to any of the other employees in the same tone he uses with me.  But if I am honest, I would never speak to another boss in the same tone I use with him. (I think we both could use a little work with that.)

4.   Leaving “work” at the office is not only difficult, it is really impossible.

5.   It is important to watch for the “glazed eye” look when discussing your business with your friends.  Just like the subject of your children, no one is that interested…

6.   Eye rolling is a sure way to end a conversation with a fight.

7.    “Days off” are almost non-existent. And departure times are subject to change.

8.    We are always together. Always. Good?  Sometimes. Bad? Sometimes.

9.    I can always expect one question, daily, “What are your plans for lunch?”

10.  Praying for God’s grace to allow me to be my husband’s “helper/completer” at work helps keep me focused on how both of our strengths work together with both of our weaknesses…otherwise it is easy to begin to see only his weaknesses in the light of my strengths- and never notice my weaknesses in the light of his strengths.

11.  Tension between us can clear a room quicker than a smoke alarm.

12.  Cody is the only person at work that can follow me into the ladies’ room to finish a conversation.

13. Most days I would rather be at the shop with Cody and everyone else rather at home alone.

14.  We are both the last to get paid.

15. I decide to quit and get a “real” job at least once a quarter. I usually get as far as walking to the front door… I used to get further and actually look in the “Help Wanted” ads.  It also used to be closer to once a month

16.  Cody recently asked me to go pick up some wine glasses from Ross so we can sit in his office and have a glass of wine…I don’t think that would happen in most places of business, and I have to say it hasn’t really happened here yet… But, now, come to think of it, if you refer back to one of my first lessons- this could be an avenue that might lead a boss to have an affair with his secretary.  Hmm… maybe Cody is trying to make a pass at me!

17.  Piggy backing on the previous lesson- sexual harassment accusations pretty much go out the window when you are working for your husband…they are expected and often encouraged.

18.  Communication is key…but timing is essential.

19.  There is really no “b.s.ing” my way in or out of anything, Cody knows and recognizes all of my best moves…that is not to say that there are not times when I can charm him…

20.  Respect and love are key… as long as I show him respect and he shows me love…our relationship in business and in marriage stays in balance…however a small crack in either can create havoc.

21.  This is a lesson I learned a long time ago in our marriage, however, it carries into our business relationship as well- Cody is not always right, but he is very seldom wrong; I am not always wrong, but I am very seldom right.  And I have learned to make this thought process work for me…the times I am right may be few and far between, but I know how and when to pick my battles.

22.  Being “on time” to work is relative- for both of us.

23. We are a team, and there is really no other team I want to be a part of…maybe we should come up with a cheer…or a chant.

24. I have found that when I have my back to Cody, waiting for him to “pat it” we invariably are standing back to back because he has his back to me waiting for the same re-enforcement.

25. I love Cody unconditionally and unrealistically.  Cody loves me unconditionally and unrealistically.  Love covers a multitude of inadequacies.